luni, 10 noiembrie 2008

destul de funny

!Warning! Make sure you DO NOT try manele at home... May be very dangerous for your health. If used, you should contact your shrink right away (You might also want to contact the morgue).

Early references of the term appear in Romanian texts from the early 19th century, during the period of Turkish suzerainty over the Romanian principalities. Modern manele originated in the 1980s and early 1990s as underground translations and imitations of Turkish and Arabic songs. It was being sung on the streets of Ferentari, a poor neighbourhood of Bucharest.
Manele is one of the most popular as well as one of the most disputed music genres in Romania today.
Many Romanians hate the music and wish it to be banned. The main reason for this is that Romanians are afraid to be original and rather listen to music which copies American styles, just furthering the claim that America produces the best music in the world.


This is a specialist/professional point of view:
Manele genre is a very broad(minded) mix of DERIVED styles (not even original ones). Though at its roots you can identify musical linguistic elements of gipsy, oriental and ethnic (Romanian) music, they are heavily modified in a historical laboratory of decadence, lack of culture and education, destructive influence from a dishonest, deceptive and fraudulent society (that the communist regime has left behind).
Moreover, the "new" society which quickly developed unbalanced, without an elite class, based on wild, savage force and corruption, a society adequate for chaos and self-will, nurtured the vulgar people's ignoble, infamous and obscene tastes which led - in music - to an (almost) mass preference for such decadent "music".
The paragraphs above are no lies, i assure you.
What is its message?
EGO. Themes: Money making; inflicting envy to nearby people; defeating enemies; ruling and leading friends; living as one desires, completely ignorant of the existence of others.
LAMENTATION. Themes: Cheating on wives, lost loves; injustice, inequity from all others, while first person being always righteous.
OBSCENITY. Themes: Lust, sexual desire; abject depicting of women as a "bag" of tits, ass and pussy.
IMMORALITY. Themes: Drinking; cheating as the most clever way of life (jmekeri); stealing; even using drugs; I won't mention smoking (it's too insignificant); Use of force for any need or disobedience.
FALSE LOVE. Any analysis of this theme will lead to the sexual or interested "love". In the best case, manelic love will last up to the next woman, which will receive a temporarily first, "immortal" place.

How to become a manelist

Pick a cool name (also known as "nume de bashtan", ori "Bseudonim") (Elvis, Ailenei, Bica Danila, Vali Nebunu' (Crazy Vali), Anelka Balauru' Fermecat (Anelka the Enchanted Dragon), Gigi Fermecătoru' (Magic Gigi), Englezu de fier (The Iron Englishman), Chipeşu Moineştiului (The Beauty of Moineşti), Florin Salam (Flowers in Salami), Florinel Fisu' - cu Soia (His Son - with Soy), Ion Fasole (John Beans - not to be confused with Jim Beam), Bibi Macaroană (Bibi Maccaroni), Copilul Minune (Wonder Boy) also called Adiţă Avortu' Merveioz, Barbosu DelaVrancea, Mihai Canal (Mycanalization), Ciupanezu, Danny Merţan (Danny Mercedes), Piedone, Gigi Oaie (Gigi Sheep), Florin Fermecătorul (Florin the Enchanter), Slick Unsurosu' (Slicky Slick), Efes, Adonis din Carpaţi (Idolu' Femeilor), Titel Vocalistu' Nr. 1, Maria-Dolores de la Satu Mare, Sandu Ciorbă, Gigi Talent, Gigi Sabie, Petre Tate, Fane Patent (Stevie Tongs), Sile cu Gâtu' de Aur (Sile with the Golden Neck), Ricky de la Ciorogârla, Jean-Balauru' cu vocea-n flăcări (Jean-Dragon with the Voice on Fire), Nicuşor Jeleu, Vasile Trotinetă (Vasile Pedal-Scooter), Esmeralda Papuc (The Emerald Slipper), Băiatu de aur (Golden Boy), Leonardo Africanu' (Leonardoafro), Minotaura del Monta, Alexiei Artistu' Nemărginit (Alexiei the Boundless Artist), Izabela de la Focşani, Cerumel Gherasim, Gutză Pută de maimută, Regele Sexului (The King of Sex), etc) --> to offer just a small contribution of suggestions...
Mandatory lack of culture, and IQ below the sea level.
Must own: limo , castle with lots of little towers and a logo with your name on the roof, faraoanca (a kind of queen, but more slutty weighting more than 500 pounds) and boraci (puradei, romanian word for gipsy children/intestinal parasites). Any manelist must be a king or Earl like... Liviu Mare Ban de Corabia (i.e.: Liviu Great Earl of Corabia).
Family in jail, and relatives living under a bridge, in cardboard boxes
Having inscriptions such as like "69 Puta Madre" and don't know what it means.
If over 35 years wear a big mustache and smile much like famous Vali the Blizzard(Vali Vijelie) and Nicholas Gutza (Nicolae Gutza).
Jewelry: lots of it , bling , gold necklaces, gold bracelets, gold rings (more than 50% of total body weight)(must weight at least 10 kg), really big gold coins (salbe)
Haircut: 2 parts hair gel, 1 part hair; usually the more sexually chalanged of the manelisti adopt a seemingly punk hairstyle by shaving the sides of their heads; however this symptom must NEVER be confused with the punk hairstyle, as in the manelisti it's just a cry for help coming from their sexual difficulties ("au pula mica" translated in romanian); they just want to look like big cocks so they wear a creast; other manelisti with iq's below -50 shave their heads entierly, leaving only a little bit ("un smoc nenorocit" in romanian) just above their foreheads
Hair Color: black, preferably with strange shapeless plague-like yellow stains
Clothes: flashy and tasteless. Must have black, white or pink shirt, ciocate, cowboy hat, vest or cape and white sox; somewhere on the wardrobe MUST be a flashy inscription citing: "Gigolo Italiano" and a price anywhere between 500$ and 2000$ representing the value (valoarea) of the manelist wearing it
Having a voice and style that says : Proud to be gay
Having a "tan" skin is a plus (gipsy style)
It is quite trendy for a "cocalar" (endearment of a manelist) to wear white clothes head to toes to stress the colour of his skin, and to damage the retina of the people coming by so they wouldn't see how he throws dirty money at the fiddler's feet performing a ritual in which he repeats the words "fara numar" extensively
!!!!!!!!!!!!WARNING If you not have indian-arabian apparence your manelist career will be OVER so get a tan really quick.

mandatory words:chicks ("fetitze/bagaboante"),money ("bani/parai/bijtari/lovele") , enemies ("dujmani"/"golani"), women ("femei"/"muieri"/"purisance"), princess ("printesa"), drink ("bautura"), dollars ("euro"/"dolari"/"marci"/"parai"/"bijtari"), gold, millionaire, Mercedes("Mertzan"), cellphone ("celular"), heart, soul, God, life, value ("valoare")
interjections: ooooooooff, ah, sha-la-la, cicalaca-cichicha, hep-hei, hopa-hopa, solooo, hauz' ,fara numar, jaga jagga etc
no one minds if your songs have:
grammar mistakes
expressions like: "lu' copilu meu" "as vrea ca sa te regasesc"
free verse
rhymes with the same word i.e. rime cu acelasi cuvant
extreme metaphors, like "flower of all flowers" (floarea florilor), wallet sucker (sugativa-n portofel)
foreign words (bambina, ragazza, etc)
must...repeat MUST BE STUPID otherwise...your career is not looking good...
don't forget that the manelist has to receive money permanently, during his performance ("imi vin banii permanent / parca am abonament" - "money comes permanently / like it's subscription based"). While receving money he must also say "fara numar, fara numarrrrr"("without number") (This is the national anthem for manele)
you must condsider yourself a nigga...if there's no "rap"(the "lyrics" are not musical!!) you're not in top.....
you must say from who is the current dedication example: "Aici de la George si fratii mei de peste Prut!!!" wich means "This is from George and my brothers over the river Prut!!!"

Acest text este copiat , nu are pic de originalitate in el din partea mea , dar totusi e funny in draci asa ca enjoy

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